Table for One – 09/23/2017

I don’t know if there is anything that stirs more discontent than being worried about dating. At least not for me. I realized not long ago I’ve never been single and not working in the service industry. Everyone told me I wouldn’t know what to do with so much free time. I’m worried that is coming to a head. Now that I don’t feel the need to go and do because it’s the weekend, I’m finding that time…that alone time. That time where I wish I had someone to go dinner with, or cook while I sip wine and tell him about my week.

I found a healthy distraction for a little bit. A nice guy with similar interests and plenty of free time. We are friends and I expressed wanting more if and when he was ready. I believe in taking time to heal. He eventually told me it wasn’t there for him. So, we are friends, but I had to put some space in there to take care of myself. 

Now that I’ve decided to open myself to dating more – read that joining Match. I find myself more consumed with thoughts of my other and I don’t like it. I think I’ve also been watching a lot of tv and having more conversations that revolve around dating. Makes me feel like I should turn the tv off and tell friends I need a change of subject. I remember feeling more peace about my single before. I’d like to have that back. 

That being the goal, I am remembering to get off the couch and go out alone. I am VERY good at being single on the couch. I need to test my ability to go out to dinner without another. To “date myself”. I am sad to realize Springfield has so little for me to enjoy alone. Besides eating out, where do you go to chill and enjoy your surroundings? The bars are NOT chill. I am an old vet to the bars. LOL Because I’ve been on the service side, I’ve been able to ignore how little there is to do here. Tonight, for instance, I want to go to a place where I can sit and drink wine and listen to someone sing to me. I want to be at ÇaVa in Kansas City. Must I really consider the idea of leaving home just to be happy and alone. What?!

Maybe I need to finally hear the suggestions to start my own blog. I have always thought of them as a bit self-serving and egotistical simply because it means you ASSUME people want to hear what you have to say. And, really, besides food and drinks, what will I talk about besides my life and experiences? Does that need a public venue? Either way, it will take up some time and assuredly help me process some things. Or, maybe I should become some sort of person who writes about food and drinks. I don’t want to be a critic, just share my experience. Does the sj-r still need someone to do food reviews? Or was that IT? Get me an application, please. 

As I sit on my date and write this, I send a message to a guy on Match. Every time you swipe right or send a message you think “Where will this go?” I’ll tell you it usually goes, no where. Very deflating in this process. I’ve attached a few lines of a riveting conversation I’ve had so far…

So, to spice it up, I am trying a glass of wine I’ve never had and ordering lamb. I am confident I have NEVER ordered a rack of lamb in my incredible, edible life. I gave my server, Rebecca, a smile and said “Treat yourself! But, also, I have a coupon.”  

I know one thing, I’m not a cheap date. But that, that conversation is for a later date.