So, tell me about yourself… – 10/7/17

Just when you think you know who you are, a stranger says, “Tell me about yourself.” I figure this is a better platform to really tell people that versus laying it all out for total strangers.

I tried to explain to one potential suitor there is no way to describe your life to someone. One must see it for themselves. Most of us have put our lives on social media, so that’s always an easy way to let someone take a peek. But, that takes for granted that everyone is HONEST about who they are on social media. We all know that is not the case for many people. I do my best to live my life honestly and transparently – I think that comes through on my various social outlets. I heard a very simple saying a few years ago that I wrote down and shared with a student or two, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain

So, who am I? The newest addition is “blogger”. I told myself I would tell the world if I got 100 “likes” on my post that said I was going to start a blog so here I am. 36 years old, single with no kids – independent (sometimes to a fault), financially stable, fun, SOCIAL, loving. Ugh…it’s all so generic. I can’t TELL you who I am. The name “I’m Not That Kind of Girl” has a lot to do with that. I can tell you I’m lazy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t work hard. I can tell you I’m a strong believer in God, that doesn’t mean I go to church. I drink ‘often’, but anyone who knows me knows I am no drunk. I’m simply not that kind of girl.

I am a believer in people. I am a lover of people. I am working toward being a kinder person. I have considered myself an optimistic realist ever since I knew what that meant. I do my best to keep my thoughts and processes on the bright side; I will find the silver lining. I also do my best to shine that light into the lives of those around me. I don’t know when I decided to just be happy, but I’m sure glad I did. Life is hard with no help from us humans. We struggle, we stumble, we fall, we decide if we get back up. We love, we lose, we hurt, we only heal if we allow ourselves. See how that works…shit happens and we decide if we are going to stay beat down or if we are going to get the fuck up. I cuss a lot too. You should know that about me. There are so many clichés and quotes I can fit in here so I’ll try to be original. Do you want to be happy or do you enjoy being miserable? Whichever you prefer, go with that. Just stay THE FUCK away from me if you enjoy misery. I think that is a good life motto.  

I love being alive. I lead a very charmed life. I can go and do as I please. I have no major responsibilities outside of going to a job I am blessed to have. I have bills to pay but so does every other adult in the world so those don’t count. Being a singular person makes the future both scary and exciting. At this moment, I can do WHATEVER I want to do for the rest of my life. That’s not something everyone can say simply because they have to think of the people in their life to whom they are obligated. On the flipside, I may be a singular person for the rest of my life. I may never have the built-in date to weddings and movie nights on the couch. I may not have a family to take care of me when I am sick and dying.  I will never know for sure I was good mom. I may leave nothing behind having no one to whom I can leave my memories.

I relieved myself of the weight of needing children to complete my life over 10 years ago. God knows I love children but the ol clock started running on my time around 24 years old. I still think of having kids, should I find the right man to marry. If he wants them, he will get them. If I got pregnant outside of marriage, I’d be a mom and I’d kick ass. The only reason I’ve thought about it more recently is because I want my parents to get to be grandparents. They’d be great at it. But, none of us think that’s a good enough reason LOL. I called it a weight because it seems like that is how my friends carry it. It is this big, huge thing that clings to them every day. Marriage is the same.

Knowing what you want out of life is incredibly important. However, deciding your life isn’t full without things you have no control over is really fucking dangerous. They say “chasing the dragon” when it comes to getting high and always looking for the higher high. Constantly looking for the next date, next boyfriend, next love is the same thing to me. It takes over your life and your thoughts. It drains you. It depletes you and wears on your self-worth. Leaves you thinking there is something wrong with you that no one likes who you are. I think that should then beg the questions, “Do you like who you are? Do you love you?” Again, there are clichés and memes for days with opinions on this. None of them actually help you love yourself. That is totally, 100% up to you to figure out. I can tell you one thing for sure, the love of another does not make you more lovable. The whole point of loving yourself is embracing who you are as an individual. That’s kind of the point for me in all this. To explore if I really love myself and if I’m truly happy. I believe I am, but I like to really know the root of things. Welcome to my journey.

I think I’m going to have to warn some people as I intend to be honest and transparent in my writing as well. Perhaps I’ll go back to my high school ways of giving everyone nicknames…